Buying a home is a very stressful event for anyone. Figuring out what you can afford and what you want can make you just want to lie down and forget about it. But it’s important to build equity in your home and have stability, so you have to move forward. Can you, as a couple, do it without destroying your relationship? Yes!
Here are some tips for buying and moving into a house without tearing each other apart:
1.Sit down and talk. You should do this before you begin any big undertaking in your life. Discuss why you want to buy a home and what’s important to you. Discuss your finances and what you can and can’t afford, and set a home-buying budget. When you talk with a mortgage lender, she can help you understand your limits, too.
2. Be upfront about debt. If one or both of you has a large debt load, tackle it together. Taking care of outstanding debt is important for your credit rating, which determines whether you will get a mortgage.
3. Make some lists. Make a list together about what you like and what you don’t. Do you need extra bedrooms for future children or family visits? Will you need a fence in the backyard? Do you need a one-story house to make it easier to get around? Are school districts important to you? Will your in-laws eventually move in for your care? Consider all your needs and wants, and be willing to compromise. If you love mid-century modern but your partner despises it, you’ll have to find a happy medium.
4. Look at lots of homes. Look at homes that your partner wants that you don’t, and vice versa. Also look at homes that meet your compromise. Sometimes, a person might not want to look in a certain area, but the home makes it worth the look.
5. Be nice to each other. If you don’t like a home that your partner does, don’t just disparage it. Be gentle with each other and explain your thinking instead of just trashing it.
6. Prepare for a move. When it’s time to move in, be as prepared as possible. Sort out your belongings and get rid of as much stuff as you can. If you’re moving in together for the first time, having lots of duplicate items can be frustrating. Decide what stays and what goes together, so that one person doesn’t end up throwing out all his or her stuff for the other person.
7. Make a moving checklist and timeline. Before moving day, you’ll need to have all the details sorted out and all the boxes packed. Make sure you have the boxes, tape and packing materials you need to get the job done, so that you’re not running to the store at the last minute. Making lists will prevent stress, which prevents arguments.
8. Don’t take out your frustration on the other person. Moving is stressful, and tensions can flare. Don’t bark orders or tell your partner that she isn’t doing something right. Be cooperative and gentle as possible. If you get angry, walk away and start working on something else until you’re able to discuss and issue properly.
Once you’re settled in, the act of moving will be put behind you and you’ll be ready to make your new life in your new home. Remember that moving and buying a home is temporary. Once it’s over, you’ll go back to your happy lives together. Keep the lines of communication open and free, and make time for each other. Take some time to think about how happy you’ll be in your new home together, and you’ll make it through just fine.